Recognising the signs of an abusive relationship

Every relationship has ordinary ups and downs. That is not what this piece is about. It is about the harder question underneath: has a relationship stopped being safe.

Abuse can happen between partners, family members, friends or colleagues, and it can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. Two simple questions are worth sitting with: have you ever felt afraid of this person, and have you ever changed your own behaviour because you were afraid of what they might do. If either answer is yes, the rest of this piece is worth reading properly rather than skimming.

Behaviours worth paying attention to

If a partner, family member or someone close to you is:

• Isolating you from friends and family

• Stopping you from working or studying

• Constantly checking up on you, or following you

• Telling you what to wear, who to see, or what to think

• Controlling your money, or taking it from you

• Blaming you for the abuse, or denying it happened

• Threatening to hurt you, themselves, or someone you love

• Pressuring you into sex, or into sex you have not agreed to

any one of these is worth taking seriously. Several together, over time, is a pattern.

Getting help

Realising you may be in an abusive relationship is frightening, and reaching out can feel like the hardest part. You are not alone in this, and there is support built for exactly this situation.

In an emergency, call 999.

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge and Women's Aid), free, 24 hours: 0808 2000 247

• Men's Advice Line, for male victims: 0808 801 0327

• Galop, for LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse: 0800 999 5428

• Karma Nirvana, for forced marriage and "honour"-based abuse: 0800 5999 247

• Respect Phoneline, for anyone worried about their own abusive behaviour: 0808 802 4040

Talking to your GP is also a reasonable first step if you are not sure who else to call.

Putting a safety plan together, whether that means where you would go, who you would tell, or what you would take, is something a specialist advisor at any of the services above can help with. Speak to someone at InsideOut® if you would like support making sense of what has happened, alongside that practical planning.